Substitute
by bmitw
Summary: Twilight with a twist. The usual suspects, behaving unusually...or are they? Expect non-canon, snark and badass behavior in Forks. I don't believe in milksop vampires. Jasper/Bella, AU.


DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The legends of the Quileute belong to them. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Betas: JezeBelDK & Mist**

**Prereader: Juliangelus**

**Chapter One - Vision Fulfilled**

"**The simple things you see are all complicated**

**I look pretty young, but I'm just back-dated, yeah" **

**Substitute, The Who**

**2005**

**Jasper POV**

"Jazzy?"

"Yes, Ally?" I replied, flopping on the couch.

If my "wife" was going to call me by a name she knew I despised, I was going to do the same to her. More than half a century had passed since I first met Alice; half a century of her prognostications and occasional lies, half a century spent waiting for the bright future she said lay in wait for me.

We got together in Philadelphia out of convenience, or I did. She wasn't my type, too perky, and I sure as shit wasn't hers. She wanted a refined guy to play dress-ups with; I was comfy in my jeans and boots.

But I needed to get away, needed a fresh start, and when she said she'd foreseen a great life for us with the Cullens I trotted along. I was still waiting for that bright future, still uncertain what form it might take, since she had a habit of not telling me what her visions were about.

We told Carlisle we were married, but we weren't. We just didn't want the complications of being seen as single, nor did we want to be rejected by the coven. An unmated male such as I was, with the background I had, would rightly be seen as a threat.

I was less certain about what advantage there was for Alice in hanging around me, but perhaps she didn't want to be alone, or to have any pressure to be with Edward instead. We all knew that Rosalie had been turned for that reason, and didn't that work out just fine... I snorted at the idea of those two ever getting together. Edward with his morals & his pretentiousness was no match for the earthy Rosalie, and her aim with a wrench was deadly.

No, Emmett was perfect for Rose and she for him; they were handsy, and loud. The sounds of their lovemaking could be heard all over the house, pretty much on a daily basis and sometimes several times a day. Alice & I weren't prudes, and we weren't celibate either. But for fuck's sake, did they ever stop to draw a breath?

Alice was tiny, and slender as a twig. If she wasn't a vampire I'd have been afraid I would snap her in half when we fucked; and fucking it was, we weren't in love. We pretty much just took our frustrations out on each other. We tried to keep it on the down-low; whenever our secretiveness was commented on I just ladled on some of my Southern gentleman shtick, and pushed them all a heaping helping of acceptance.

I didn't like to do much in the house, there were too many couples and the whole thing was nauseating to be around for my empath senses. Being there when Rose and Emmett were at it made me feel horny, and Carlisle & Esme's emotions farted rainbows. I couldn't handle it, so we'd go "hunting" when the others were doing their thing and if the mood took us...well Alice was a girl and I was a boy and we were both over twenty-one.

Finding out that Edward was a mind reader was a little inconvenient. It took a little while, but you didn't get to be a Major without knowing something of strategy and tactics. I blocked him by playing my part in the Southern Vampire Wars on a continuous loop in my head, and burying the later stuff; he wasn't like Aro was said to be, reading every thought you'd ever had.

He only saw what was there in the moment, so all I had to do was make his moments with me deeply unpleasant. Alice may have found it harder, but she kept tabs on him through her visions; if she saw him deciding to take more of an interest in us she diverted him somehow.

We never thought we'd last this long without being caught out, but Carlisle and Esme were trusting types, and the others didn't really care to dig too much. It wasn't as if anyone wanted either one of us for a mate. So time passed, and all of a sudden it was a new century.

Living with the Cullens hadn't tamed me; I was merely going with the flow and waiting for something important to happen to me. But I was bored beyond belief; whatever plans I might have had since leaving Pete & Char, going to school endlessly was not one I would have willingly chosen.

I pretended to be weak around humans as a way of excusing myself from spending time with them; they were smelly and dull, and as teenagers their emotions were both overwhelming and toxic.

"Jasper! JASPERRR!"

Alice called out to me again. I knew without having to ask why she was claiming my attention; it was time to head to Forks High School. I glanced over at her, expecting to find an expression as bored as mine. Instead, she tuned out for a few moments, lost in a vision, and as she returned to the present her eyes were alight.

I tested her emotional state and found anticipation, delight and no small amount of mischief. Looking at her, I quirked an eyebrow, silently asking her to let me in on the secret.

She shook her head, laughing, and skipped off, heading for the garage. I shrugged and followed suit.

Arriving in the garage hot on her heels, I found the "family" all assembled waiting for me. Every fucking day we did this, standing around waiting until someone decided who was going to ride in which car. Made no difference to me; my aversion to being seen anywhere near the 100 year old virgin and his Swedish chick repeller was too well-known for me to have to say anything.

I'd ride my Ducati, but I didn't trust it around the mouth-breathers of the High School, so I usually took a ride with Emmett or Rosalie. They were travelling together today, and they had that look in their eyes again. There was something about having gone for decades without anything more than a quick fuck here and there that made my allergy to mawkish romance even more acute.

Alice winked at me, and hopped into Fuckward's Volvo. Rose and Emmett took off in her Ferrari. I sighed, sauntered over to my bike, and put my helmet on. Not that I needed it but Charlie Swan thought I did. As I swung my leg over and started it, the deep throaty roar of the engine soothed me a little but I did wonder; why today of all days had Alice given me the brush-off?

I shook the thoughts out of my head and set off down the driveway. Just what I needed; for the febrile imaginations of the Forks girls to see me turning up to school with a big throbbing piece of machinery between my legs. After all, it wasn't like they found me attractive... I rolled my eyes and turned onto the highway.

**A/N: This is a side project until I finish Gods & Wolves. I'll update it when I can, but I don't know how often that will be.**


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